The pounding on my knees. Continues. The stress on my back ensues. The psychoanalysis of myself on myself gets old. Clear minded I roam freely. No more mind numbing alterations from the concoction of drugs forced upon me by pharmaceutical companies imposing on the doctors offices where I undergo treatment. Injuries of which incurred during an attempted shoplifting incident by a convicted criminal who would not take direction from me as I attempted to apprehend him. But I digress, the who, the what the where, the why, these things I cannot speak of. I can only divulge that the litigation process is well underway and is being properly handled by attorneys well above my pay grade.
However I will discuss my personal struggles with pain management, and how those kinds of struggles can affect every nook and cranny of someone’s existence. Specifically my own. I used to wake up every morning with a spring in my step. The energy and the mental fortitude to take on any obstacle that lay in front of me. I used to exercise to Tony Hortons P-90X. I considered myself a runner above all else. I had worked hard for many years to get to where I was physically, emotionally and financially. My career in law enforcement and loss prevention was blossoming I enjoyed my job very much. I fancied myself a crime fighter and I truly believed what I was doing made a difference. Don’t we all believe we are making a difference in what we are doing? I would hope we all at least hope we do.
Research shows that most people can recover from loss on their own through the passage of time if they have social support and healthy habits. It may take months or a year to come to terms with a loss. There is no “normal” time period for someone to grieve. Don’t expect to pass through phases of grief either, as new research suggests that most people do not go through stages as progressive steps.
Human beings are naturally resilient, considering most of us can endure loss and then continue on with our own lives. But some people may struggle with grief for longer periods of time and feel unable to carry out daily activities. Those with severe grief may be experiencing complicated grief. These individuals could benefit from the help of a psychologist or another licensed mental health professional.
So I have moved on. I have accepted the fact that pain will follow me. Haunt me like a demon latched on to my back poking and prodding stabbing and slashing at my nerves. So you find alternate methods to deal with the pain. Alternate methods to forget that it’s there. But in truth you don’t forget. You cover the physical and mental anguish with something else. And maybe you’ll never get back to where you were. Maybe where you are now is as far as you will go. No more 20 miles a week. No more lifting weights and P90X. Acceptance! What is it that those alcoholics always say, “accept the things you cannot change?” How do I cope with the loss? How does anyone? I just take it day by day. One step at a time. Just like you I struggle. Just like everyone, I struggle. We all are going through it. Bills, loss, grief, pain, the daily grind will wear you down. It will tear at you emotionally and physically if you let it. So find an escape. Find some creative way to fulfill that empty space you have. Make something yours. Be creative. Build, write, sing, film, photograph, draw, paint. Find a release. Only you can find that thing that soothes you. That thing that puts you in the healthy state of mind you need to succeed. Count on yourself. Believe in yourself and the things you can accomplish. And never give up.